Amanda Knox contemplated suicide behind bars over fears she would not get out in time to get pregnant and have a child of her own.
Knox — who spent four years in prison after being wrongfully convicted of the murder of Brit student Meredith Kercher — recalled her lowest days in an Italian jail cell on the “Infertile AF” podcast.
“The loneliness of realizing that I was not gonna share my life with a man I loved and I was not going to have children deeply, deeply impacted me,” Knox said. “And I tried to think, ‘If that’s not true anymore, how do I make my life worth living?’”
The 34-year-old, who announced the birth of her daughter, Eureka Muse, in October, added: “What I lost was not just time and youth and human potential, but also there was the prospect of a family.
“And it is lost for any woman who is sentenced to lose her childbearing years to prison. I wanted to point out that there is a unique cost that the criminal justice system doesn’t really take into consideration, when we are sentencing women for crimes, and that we should potentially be thinking about that,” she told podcast host Ali Prato.
Knox also revealed how she has struck up a friendship with Monica Lewinsky. “I consider her a friend, and she’s been through hell,” she said. “She’s been through hell … she doesn’t have family, doesn’t have children yet.”
The embrace of Lewinsky came about because, Knox said, “That’s kind of my schtick. I always try to connect with people … especially women, who end up becoming vilified and cartoon cutouts for our … schadenfreude entertainment content.”
Knox told Times Radio this week that she views the public interest in convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell’s case as an “opportunity to vilify a woman for sex crimes.“
She added: “Maxwell was obviously guilty of these terrible crimes and should be held accountable for her crimes. But also, we should be careful and mindful as a society when we have such raging interest in some cases over others.”
Now married to writer and poet Christopher Robinson, Knox said she was not prepared for her own conviction, to the point that her family had a plane ticket ready for her following the 2009 trial.
But as she faced the prospect of decades behind bars, Knox said: “I went back into my prison cell and I had to completely reframe this experience that was happening to me. I had been processing this whole thing, thinking, ‘This is a temporary thing. This is not my life.’
“And I had this, like, deep, deep visceral sad realization that, ‘Oh no, this is my life. And my life is not what I thought it was going to be. And not only am I not gonna go home, I’m not gonna have a career, I’m not gonna have a family.’”
Kercher’s body was found in the apartment she shared with Knox in Perugia, Italy, in November 2007. The 21-year-old’s throat had been slashed.
Knox and her then-boyfriend, Raffaele Sollecito, along with Rudy Guede, were formally charged and convicted, but Knox and Sollecito’s convictions were overturned in 2015.
Knox admitted on the podcast that it is “mind-boggling” that she managed to find her husband, adding: “I stumbled upon a person who, instead of, like, paying attention to true crime and being on the up and up with all these crazy stories that are out there … he’s a poetry guy.”
Guede, who was convicted of raping and killing Kercher, spent 13 years in jail before an early release in November. He maintains his innocence, alleging that Knox and Sollecito “inflict[ed] the stab wounds” to Kercher. He told the Sun in November: “I know the truth and [Knox] knows the truth.”